Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
