You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
