New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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