I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
