Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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