HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
