i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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