Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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