fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
