just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Who died my cat blue again?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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