can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
