There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
