it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
