And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
