So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize