I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
