just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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