Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
