I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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