If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
