I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
