life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
