Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
