after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
