I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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