i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
