i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
