Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
