my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
