Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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