I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
