i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
