Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
