i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How naked do you want me to be?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
