I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize