Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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