the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
