just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
