What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
