i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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