Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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