I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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