I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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