Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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