I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
