Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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