Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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