Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize