i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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