3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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