Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
