i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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