He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
