Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize