Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
