Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
