My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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