I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
