His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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