He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
