You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
