I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
