i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize