Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
