That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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