im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
