farters have to be the big spoon...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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