Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize